


15x01 CODA

by Taybay14



Series: Season 15 CODAs [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angry Dean, Angst, Coda, Crying, Fighting, Sam eats pizza all alone, Season 15, So much angst, bed sharing, broken Cas, two idiots in love that can't stay away from each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-12-09 12:16:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20994662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taybay14/pseuds/Taybay14
Summary: Dean tried to stay away...





	15x01 CODA

**Author's Note:**

> Not beta read, because I was way too impatient to post this. Sorry!!

“Do you maybe want to see if Cas is hungry?” Sam asks as he puts the two pizza boxes that just got delivered to their room on the table. 

Dean looks down. “I’d rather not, no.”

“Alright. Polite version over, then. Go tell Cas it’s time to eat.”

“No.”

Sam stares daggers at Dean. “We don’t have time for you two to do this right now. Be pissed after. It’s not like there’s any rush. You’ve been going at it for ten years now.”

Feeling under attack, Dean takes a step back and shakes his head. “I don’t - I don’t know what you mean.”

“Yes you do.” Sam’s face softens as he looks at his brother. “Dean, go get him.”

“Fine. Whatever.” Dean leaves the motel room, slamming the door. Screw Sam. Sam has no idea what he’s talking about. Going at  _ what _ for ten years? Sure, he and Cas have known each other for ten years, but they haven’t been _ going  _ at anything. 

And this fight is different. Surely Sam can see that. This isn’t Leviathan or a God complex. It isn’t Naomi’s mind control. Cas got Dean’s mom killed. Cas got Jack killed. 

It’s all Cas’ fault. 

It… it has to be. Dean  _ needs  _ it to be. Otherwise, it’s his fault, and he can’t carry that weight right now. He just… can’t. 

Dean lifts his fist with the intent to knock harshly on Cas’ motel room door, but something catches his attention just before he can do so. Something familiar but new at the same time. Dean’s seen Cas cry before. He’s a lot like Dean, with the silent tears and the locked jaw, trying like hell to reign the emotions in. But this isn’t that. Cas is  _ sobbing _ . Uncontrollably. 

The sound nearly brings Dean to his knees, his own tears beginning to build in his eyes. Dean presses his forehead against the door and puts his hand beside his face, spread out like Cas could give him a high five through the wood. He must make some noise when he does this, or Cas’ grace is still strong enough to sense him, because the crying is choked off, and a few seconds later comes a broken, “Hello?”

Dean closes his eyes. “Hey.”

“Dean?” Cas comes to the door, but can’t get himself to open it. What if Dean came to yell at him some more? He can’t survive that right now. Not today. 

So, instead of opening the door, he rests his forehead against it. Without thinking, he brings his hand up, wishing he was touching Dean instead. 

“You hungry?” Dean asks in a raw voice Cas recognizes. He’s been crying too. 

“No…” Cas wants to say more, but he’s too afraid Dean will just cut him off again. 

When a minute passes without any sound, Cas tentatively asks, “Dean? Are you - are you still there?”

There’s a long pause. Then, “Yeah, Cas. I’m here.”

Castiel closes his eyes, starting to cry again. He wants to open the door so damn bad. Wants Dean to hold him. Tell him it wasn’t his fault. That they didn’t lose their boy because of him. Cas needs Dean, because everything is crumbling. He’s lost heaven. Lost his command. Lost his friends. The God he once believed in has now ripped his heart out. Mary is dead. Jack is… 

_ Oh god. Jack.  _

Another sob escapes him, and he honestly doesn’t care anymore if Dean hears. Doesn’t Dean understand? The Winchesters are all Cas has left. They’re his  _ family _ . Cas needs them.

Cas needs  _ Dean _ .

The two of them stay that way. Foreheads and hands only separated by the thin motel door. They stay that way until Cas cries himself empty. Until Dean gets ahold of himself and remembers how to put his mask on. Until the sun sets. Until Sam comes to check on them. Until Sam awkwardly backs away before Dean can see him. They stay that way until they almost forget they’re fighting. Until Dean’s resolve wanes. Until Dean can’t take it anymore. 

“Cas, open the door.”

There’s a soft rustling sound on the other side of the door. Then it’s very slowly being opened. Bloodshot blue eyes peek at him. 

Dean gently pushes past him, already removing his boots. Out of the corner of his eye, Dean sees Cas slowly close the motel door, then slide the lock in place. The soft click echoes like a gunshot in the silent room.

"What are you doing?" Cas asks when Dean removes his flannel. 

"Going to bed."

"Oh." Castiel fiddles with his trench coat. He's unsure. Is this Dean telling him to go get a different room? Is this Dean forgiving him? 

His trench coat is taken off for him, along with his suit jacket. Then his tie. Then his shoes. Dean steps back to remove his pants, and Cas mirrors him. He moves onto his dress shirt, freeing each button before letting it slide down his arms. 

He looks up at Dean with so much fear, and hope, and love, and Dean has to look away. He crawls into his favorite side of the bed. Slips under the covers. Waits for Cas to do the same. Turns the lamp off. 

The darkness makes Cas brave. 

"Are you - are we," Cas pauses, turning his head so he can see Dean's profile. "Do you forgive me?"

"No," Dean says in the exact same cold, clipped tone he used earlier after Cas had said he was okay. 

Castiel clamps down on his bottom lip, telling himself not to cry. This is a start. This is something. 

After a few minutes, Dean whispers, "Night, Cas."

"Goodnight, Dean."

\----

When Cas wakes up to the morning sun, Dean's gone. 

He’s not even sure if he was ever really there. 

**Author's Note:**

> If you like my stuff/want more/feel like chatting/etc. then go like me on tumblr/twitter @ destiel-love-forever (:


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